It does continue!!!

This one is different. For real different. Different than any other man I have ever dated. Period. He is sweet, kind, loving, and VERY attentive. I'm hooked! I honestly never knew that a man could actually devote this much time to me. We talk morning, noon and night. And not in an annoying way. In a generally interested, thinking about each other all day long, kind of way. His smile kills me, his kiss makes me melt, and all I want is for him to touch me. Not necessarily sexually (although that's great too). I just want him to hold my hand, or caress my hair, or rub my neck. Meeeeeelllllttttt...

We are officially 3 months in and going strong. I know that we are still in the honeymoon phase. I know it will end eventually. But I genuinely don't see that point coming anytime soon. I'm smitten. I've maybe fallen in love even! Love! I can't believe it. I actually got so lucky. I found him. And he's all mine! 

Dat SPARK tho

The art of kissing.

Have you ever had a kiss that you think about for days? Have you ever been able to recreate the spark of his kiss just by thinking about it? Have you ever been on an average date, then he kisses you goodnight and it blows your stomach out of your butt? God Dayyyymn, apparently I have.

Being a good kisser is just as important to me as good conversation. Actually, fuck conversation and just kiss me some more. No, but seriously... Luckily for me I have had two great kissers in my recent past (aka 2 months). But this last one, oh hot damn! I've been realing for 4 days now. When I think about it, all I can do is smile.

We met about a month ago, while I was just starting to date someone else. Well, that someone else, decided to ghost me (see below blog). And thus I extended a sweet little "hey, how are you?" text to the new boy. The first date was pretty standard. Good conversation. Delicious cherry sour beer (YUM). And Italian dinner. The first date wasn't mind blowing but it was still good. We met in this small historic downtown area for drinks and decided to go get dinner somewhere else so I drove. Well at the end of the night I took him back to his car, and he turned to kiss me before he got out of the car. MAAAAAAGIC! Pure magic. I melted. I can't even explain what or how he did what he did, but it was like a drug. I'm hooked. That spark is what everyone wants. Welp, I just might have got it.

Next chaper: Does the spark continue?

To be determined...

Ghosted

Urban dictionary defines ghosting as:

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Literally the most accurate definition urban dictionary has. 

Being ghosted suuuuuuuucks. Which is what happened to me. Until I demanded answers.

Sure, I can take a hint. I like invented hints (Hope you read that in a Gretchen Weiner’s voice). But to just stop talking to someone just as the relationship begins to progress is literally the shadiest thing anyone can do. Man the fuck up! So I didn’t instantly blog about the ghosting situation because it kinda hurt my feelings. And then I felt stupid for feeling that way after only dating this guy for a little over a month. But in the end it was 100% not my fault. Throughout the whole month+ I was beyond open with my feelings. I tend to be difficult to warm up and it takes me awhile to start to feel comfortable with someone. But I had gotten to the point with this guy that I was willing to speak up for myself and actually tell him that I liked him. I was in no way, shape or form shy about speaking about my feelings. If nothing else comes from September 2016, I learned that I have grown up sooooooo much. That I don’t take shit. That I can have feelings and express them. AND that I have the ability (and desire) to let someone get close to me. Even if it means that my feelings get hurt.

The last 4 blog posts have truly been me bitching about how much dating sucks (Which isn’t a lie). But in the end, it’s no way to live being afraid to get your heart broken. And as the ever-wise Justin Long says in the cinematic masterpiece “He’s Just Not That Into You”…

Hot and Cold

If there is one thing I hate the most when dating, it is when men are hot and cold. Ever since the publication of "He's Just Not That Into You" I have been an adamant believer in the fact that if a guy is interested, he will make an effort. So I was pleasantly surprised when this guy (we will call him Matt) reached out to me after one month of not speaking to him. We had initially been set up by a mutual friend. We went on 2 great dates and that was that. The end. I didn't hear from him in more than 30 days. But I had a feeling he was thinking about me when in our month of silence when he requested my friendship on Facebook. It was out of the blue and totally welcome. While I did like him, I am not the kind of girl who is too 'available' in the beginning of a relationship. A small game of hard to get is the best way to go. So when it was radio silence after the second date I was neither shocked or alarmed... but I just kind of let it go. Well, low and behold, he texts me out of the blue 30+ days later. He asked me out and I said yes. 

Well things blew up. We saw each other multiple times a week. Dating regularly. Still occasionally playing hard to get, but overall we were just enjoying spending time with each other. Fast forward another 30 days and things start to get weird. We took our dogs to the dog park one Saturday afternoon. We had a good time but I could tell something was off. He was quiet and not quite as 'touchy' as he usually was. I brushed it off and went upon my day. Well that night, it was especially bothering me since after dropping me off back at my apt he didn't text me like he said he would. The next day I invited him over to watch Sunday night football. He was again awkward with an off mood. We tried to discuss our future. If you see the post below, it's a little complicated because he is leaving for the Navy in January. We didn't really have any answers, but our conversation ended with a positive vibe. 

SO here is where I start to get upset. He didn't text me for FOUR days after. FOUR DAYS!! Meanwhile, I am thinking about him constantly. Replaying our conversation over and over again. And then I realize, maybe it was a goodbye. Maybe he was finding a nice way to say I don't want to see you anymore. So then I get mad! Like blood boiling mad because of all the things I'm over thinking. All of the scenarios I am creating in my mind were because the only thing I could think about was WHY THE FUCK is he not texting me?!? It was wearing on me hard. I didn't want to appear desperate because I had initiated the last 3 dates, but I could handle it anymore so I sent him an innocent flirty text. Something like "Hey stranger! It's been awhile, what are you up to?". His response: "Hanging out with my family until Saturday (3 days away). Sup with you?" Um... excuse me? Is this a cop-out? I feel like he was making it a point to have an excuse for the next 3 days and trying to make it clear that he was unavailable. 

I am so fucking sick of dating. Like beyond! We both knew how this could end at the end of the year. I knew this information before our first date! And if it was such a big deal, why would he recontact me after a month of not speaking! It's udderly exhausting. Now, I'm sucked into this guy and he's being a dick. 

No one reads this, but if you happen to be a single guy reading this blog please understand this. DON'T, I repeat, DON'T be hot and cold. It just toys with our emotions. It confuses things and makes things complicated. If you're not interested then say you aren't. And if you are interested, then act like it! It is as easy as that. I am in no way, shape or form a 'needy' girl. I pride myself on my down-to-earth-ness. But I now question every move I make with this guy because I don't want to seem high-maintenance. I just want him to want me. Or not. Just stop being so in between!!!!!! 

Dating with an expiration date

Hey guys, 

So it happened. I went on a second date. Crazy I know! And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth. I actually didn't even know fifth dates existed. I thought they only existed in some imaginary world with unicorns and the tooth fairy. But no, they are real. And date number five is what leads me to my fucking single blog that no one reads. 

This guy. This guy is sweet and a great kisser ;) but we are dating with an expiration date. He leaves for the Navy in 3 months. What.THE.hell. This fun fact doesn't only make dating him feel like I'm on the struggle bus of emotion, but it's a serious question of what happens when he leaves. Are we friends with benefits? In a relationship? Should I spend more time with him? Or less since I don't want to get attached? Do we attempt long distance? Do we never talk again once he leaves? Literally I could type 20 more questions of what has been running through my mind for the last month. 

Why, God, why does this have to be so complicated? 

Well, I have no answers. So I guess I will just blog about it later. 

Does it say' fuck with my emotions' across my forehead?

Just a fair warning, I am starting this blog after being stood up for the first time. Not like, "oh we had plans and they fell through" or "he just never text me back" ... Like legit sitting at the bar - by myself - waiting for an hour stood up! So I may be a little bitter. 

Here is what I truly don't understand about men... why ask me out if you DON"T WANT TO GO OUT??!?!?! 

I really try to not get to wrapped up in my excitement when a guy asks me out but sometimes I can't help it. I pluck, shave and wax every unwanted hair out of my body in the hopes of having the perfect first date and totally impressing the pants of this guy (pun intended), but as was the case yesterday, just end up going home by myself with perfect eyebrows. So the next series of unfortunate events are what has led to this angry, yet entertaining blog for all to read... Note: names have NOT been changed in hopes that someone who reads this knows the aforementioned Andy and realizes that he is a total scum bag. 

April 28th, 2016: Heather joins Bumble
I was on Tinder and read some guys profile that mentioned something about another dating app called Bumble. I joined bumble. Immediately deleted Tinder. The end.

April 28th, 2016: Heather's first Bumble match
His name was Andy. Super cute. Soccer coach at the collegiate level. Seemed legit.

May 4th, 2016: He asked me out!
After a little bit of conversation - you know typical stuff like where are you from, what do you do, etc. Andy asked me out! But I was going out of town that weekend so I said no. 

May 12th: I message Andy
I'm on Bumble to try to put myself out there more so I send Andy a message. To my surprise he brings up going out to get drinks again. I say YES and we make plans for the next day. 

May 13th: The day shit went down
I spend hours getting ready. Like literally get a pedicure, do my make up, do some serious hair removal, actually go shopping for new clothes because nothing I have looks right..... for hours! Gotta look fresh for this guy who kinda seems perfect. We had planned to meet at a brewery in downtown Colorado Springs at 4:00 pm for happy hour. I live pretty far away from downtown so I leave at 3:30 pm to get there right on time. I pay $6 for parking and receive the following text message. 

Ok so this is happening! I sit in the car for a couple of minutes, go inside, sit at the bar and wait. He should be there any minute right? The bartender asks if I want something to drink and I say, "no I will wait, I'm meeting someone". 

May 13th 4:25 pm
I text my friend to offer me some comfort and support I have been waiting for about 30 min and he is no where to be found. But he said he was on his way so I am totally convinced that I am not being stood up. He wouldn't have text me before if that was his plan all along right? My friend says that everything will be fine and to give him a little bit longer. I finally order a beer and decided to send him a funny little text

May 13th 4:45 pm
Now I am a little worried. He said he was on his way and that he lived close nearly an hour ago. I noticed that my last message went through but says its not delivered so I decide to call him. The call goes straight to voicemail! OMG is he alive? Did he get into some kind of accident on the way over? Why would his phone be off? Should I call the hospitals? The last message I send...

At 4:50 pm I leave the bar, because what else am I supposed to do? 

The whole way home I am worried, texting with a couple girlfriends and trying to be investigative reporters on what the hell just happened. He text me that he was on his way, never showed up, and his phone is presumably off... I am totally assuming he is dead in a ditch somewhere after flipping his car across the median. 

May 13th 8:50 pm
I have literally been worrying all day. The messages that I sent Andy earlier in the day have never delivered and I eventually call the local hospitals like a complete psychopath to make sure that he isn't in some ICU fighting for his life. The operators of both major hospitals in Colorado Springs have no record of ANDY. OK so literally 4 hours of worrying and my worrying turns into anger. I thought this douche was dying! I had played it all out in my mind that it was the only reasonable explanation to what had happened. 

May 13th 9:15 pm
I google how to tell if your phone number has been blocked. 
** If you didn't know, there is an option in settings that makes it so your number shows up as unknown and essentially lifts said block**
So again, like a psychopath, I call the number and it rings... IT FUCKING RINGS! He blocked my number. Possibly even min after sending me the message at 3:50 pm. I have been worrying about this fucker all day and he BLOCKED my number!!! 

May 14th: I start a single girl blog
The calm after the storm has ensued. I'm less angry than my sweet, reassuring girlfriends are, but I can't let dumb fuckers get me down. Andy has inspired me to start a single girls blog. Because it's not the first dumb ass I have encountered and it is probably not going to be my last. No one ever said that dating was easy but they also didn't say it was going to be this hard. So united we stand! Together in our misery of online dating. 

Is it me?

Is it me? Am I the problem? I am 27 years old and have been straight up, miss independent, eating ice cream out the container, table for one single for the vast majority of my life. When you are 21 years old being single is the way to be.... who wants to be tied down with a boy when you are at the bars with your girlfriends? When you turn 24, all of your friends are getting married and you think, "Wow! They are getting married so young. Good thing I am single and can still enjoy my alone time". Then you turn 26, all of the sudden you are in your LATE twenties and those friends that got married when they were 24 are having babies and buying houses and loving their wonderful, perfect, married lives. And you think... Damn, I guess I better start looking for a husband. Wellllllll guess what... it's not that easy!!! 

The year was 2014, and after failed blind dates, set ups and no prince charming knocking on my door, I had convinced myself into trying online dating. You know, just to see what's out there. Well it turns out what is out there is a whole lot of men who don't give a fuck about your personality. After two years and hundreds of dead end conversations, a decent amount of first dates and zero second dates, I am here writing a blog about how awesome being single is and how AWFUL dating. Welcome! I am sure to keep you entertained.