Dat SPARK tho

The art of kissing.

Have you ever had a kiss that you think about for days? Have you ever been able to recreate the spark of his kiss just by thinking about it? Have you ever been on an average date, then he kisses you goodnight and it blows your stomach out of your butt? God Dayyyymn, apparently I have.

Being a good kisser is just as important to me as good conversation. Actually, fuck conversation and just kiss me some more. No, but seriously... Luckily for me I have had two great kissers in my recent past (aka 2 months). But this last one, oh hot damn! I've been realing for 4 days now. When I think about it, all I can do is smile.

We met about a month ago, while I was just starting to date someone else. Well, that someone else, decided to ghost me (see below blog). And thus I extended a sweet little "hey, how are you?" text to the new boy. The first date was pretty standard. Good conversation. Delicious cherry sour beer (YUM). And Italian dinner. The first date wasn't mind blowing but it was still good. We met in this small historic downtown area for drinks and decided to go get dinner somewhere else so I drove. Well at the end of the night I took him back to his car, and he turned to kiss me before he got out of the car. MAAAAAAGIC! Pure magic. I melted. I can't even explain what or how he did what he did, but it was like a drug. I'm hooked. That spark is what everyone wants. Welp, I just might have got it.

Next chaper: Does the spark continue?

To be determined...

Ghosted

Urban dictionary defines ghosting as:

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Literally the most accurate definition urban dictionary has. 

Being ghosted suuuuuuuucks. Which is what happened to me. Until I demanded answers.

Sure, I can take a hint. I like invented hints (Hope you read that in a Gretchen Weiner’s voice). But to just stop talking to someone just as the relationship begins to progress is literally the shadiest thing anyone can do. Man the fuck up! So I didn’t instantly blog about the ghosting situation because it kinda hurt my feelings. And then I felt stupid for feeling that way after only dating this guy for a little over a month. But in the end it was 100% not my fault. Throughout the whole month+ I was beyond open with my feelings. I tend to be difficult to warm up and it takes me awhile to start to feel comfortable with someone. But I had gotten to the point with this guy that I was willing to speak up for myself and actually tell him that I liked him. I was in no way, shape or form shy about speaking about my feelings. If nothing else comes from September 2016, I learned that I have grown up sooooooo much. That I don’t take shit. That I can have feelings and express them. AND that I have the ability (and desire) to let someone get close to me. Even if it means that my feelings get hurt.

The last 4 blog posts have truly been me bitching about how much dating sucks (Which isn’t a lie). But in the end, it’s no way to live being afraid to get your heart broken. And as the ever-wise Justin Long says in the cinematic masterpiece “He’s Just Not That Into You”…

Hot and Cold

If there is one thing I hate the most when dating, it is when men are hot and cold. Ever since the publication of "He's Just Not That Into You" I have been an adamant believer in the fact that if a guy is interested, he will make an effort. So I was pleasantly surprised when this guy (we will call him Matt) reached out to me after one month of not speaking to him. We had initially been set up by a mutual friend. We went on 2 great dates and that was that. The end. I didn't hear from him in more than 30 days. But I had a feeling he was thinking about me when in our month of silence when he requested my friendship on Facebook. It was out of the blue and totally welcome. While I did like him, I am not the kind of girl who is too 'available' in the beginning of a relationship. A small game of hard to get is the best way to go. So when it was radio silence after the second date I was neither shocked or alarmed... but I just kind of let it go. Well, low and behold, he texts me out of the blue 30+ days later. He asked me out and I said yes. 

Well things blew up. We saw each other multiple times a week. Dating regularly. Still occasionally playing hard to get, but overall we were just enjoying spending time with each other. Fast forward another 30 days and things start to get weird. We took our dogs to the dog park one Saturday afternoon. We had a good time but I could tell something was off. He was quiet and not quite as 'touchy' as he usually was. I brushed it off and went upon my day. Well that night, it was especially bothering me since after dropping me off back at my apt he didn't text me like he said he would. The next day I invited him over to watch Sunday night football. He was again awkward with an off mood. We tried to discuss our future. If you see the post below, it's a little complicated because he is leaving for the Navy in January. We didn't really have any answers, but our conversation ended with a positive vibe. 

SO here is where I start to get upset. He didn't text me for FOUR days after. FOUR DAYS!! Meanwhile, I am thinking about him constantly. Replaying our conversation over and over again. And then I realize, maybe it was a goodbye. Maybe he was finding a nice way to say I don't want to see you anymore. So then I get mad! Like blood boiling mad because of all the things I'm over thinking. All of the scenarios I am creating in my mind were because the only thing I could think about was WHY THE FUCK is he not texting me?!? It was wearing on me hard. I didn't want to appear desperate because I had initiated the last 3 dates, but I could handle it anymore so I sent him an innocent flirty text. Something like "Hey stranger! It's been awhile, what are you up to?". His response: "Hanging out with my family until Saturday (3 days away). Sup with you?" Um... excuse me? Is this a cop-out? I feel like he was making it a point to have an excuse for the next 3 days and trying to make it clear that he was unavailable. 

I am so fucking sick of dating. Like beyond! We both knew how this could end at the end of the year. I knew this information before our first date! And if it was such a big deal, why would he recontact me after a month of not speaking! It's udderly exhausting. Now, I'm sucked into this guy and he's being a dick. 

No one reads this, but if you happen to be a single guy reading this blog please understand this. DON'T, I repeat, DON'T be hot and cold. It just toys with our emotions. It confuses things and makes things complicated. If you're not interested then say you aren't. And if you are interested, then act like it! It is as easy as that. I am in no way, shape or form a 'needy' girl. I pride myself on my down-to-earth-ness. But I now question every move I make with this guy because I don't want to seem high-maintenance. I just want him to want me. Or not. Just stop being so in between!!!!!!